Don’t Forget To Breathe: Part One

November 22, 2013 § 6 Comments

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Tabitha liked clouds. Cirrus, altostratus, cumulonimbus, lenticular formations – it didn’t much matter. She drove for hours for the pleasure of trawling through mildewed bookshops and adding to her already considerable collection on nephology. On her return, she took her acquisitions into the garden and stretched out flat on her stomach. Carefully unwrapping each one, she flicked through the photos with the joy more often seen on a child’s face in a sweetie shop. Afterwards, bathed in a warm glow, she rolled over, pointed her face to the sky, and watched the objects of her obsession drifting overhead.

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§ 6 Responses to Don’t Forget To Breathe: Part One

  • mikesteeden says:

    Joni eat your heart out!

  • A beautiful descriptive passage. I love the way that you manage to tap into peoples’ subconcious with your writing, be it through nostalgia, memories or dreams; you know how to draw people in.

  • Miranda Stone says:

    Very rich description in this paragraph. I like how you describe the mildewed bookshops and the joy on Tabitha’s face. The only suggestion I have is to change the “would” form to simple past tense in the paragraph. For example, I think the second sentence would be stronger if you wrote: “She drove for hours for the pleasure of trawling through mildewed bookshops and adding to…” And: “Feeling a satisfied glow, she took her acquisitions into the garden and stretched…” And lastly: “Then satiated, she rolled over, pointed her face to the sky, and watched…”

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