Creative Writing and unfinished business…
June 28, 2014 § 17 Comments
silver birch shimmers
like a galaxy of stars –
a ruffling breeze
Image courtesy Takeuchi Seiho
Tagged: haiku, poetry
…makes its sidereal leaves
play the sweet melody
of musical trees
Thank you so much Rachael for you so often soothing and always inspiring/inspired poetry 🙂 Have a nice weekend!
Thank you Frederic. Nothing will come right with the haiku just now – life is seeping into that space from where they are born – so this was written in a moment. A good test perhaps? 🙂 Have a peaceful and productive weekend, my friend.
oh yes, for sure Rachael, my lines were just written “comme ça”, nothing more than a (poetical) comment 🙂
Another blinder! Superb.
Thanks, Mike. So enjoying your stories btw. You seem on a roll!
Exquisite! (Now…to be nitpicky! — “galaxy of stars” is a redundancy since ALL galaxies are made up of stars. I’m sorry. The devil made me do it! ) 😛
I don’t mind, in fact I expect you to bring me up short from time to time, dear friend! Don’t stop – except when I tell you to, of course 🙂
Lee Gurga’s book arrived today. The right book at the right time – so grateful to you for recommending it. Also it was free! When it arrived this morning it looked as if an elephant had sat on it. I mentioned this to Amazon (yes I know I shouldn’t buy anything from them), and they kindly refunded. As the cover says: an important book. Thank you, Ron. x
You are most welcome, Rachael! Please accept my apology for unwittingly stirring up a “galactic” hornet’s nest. I must remember that the defenders of the faith are ever faithful, ever vigilant! 😛
Oh, this poem took my breath away, Rachael! Such gorgeous, sensuous imagery, and luscious “mouthfeel” of that whole first line and “ruffling breeze.” Exquisite. Thank you. xoxo p.s. I should keep myself to myself, but apropos of the comment above about “galaxy of stars,” I have two unsolicited words: poetic license…..now I will skulk off to my corner, hoping I haven’t offended!
Dear Chloe, I spend a lot of time in the naughty corner in our house, so come on out of your corner, dear friend! Creative writing is, if nothing else, playing with this odd idea called ‘reality’. We must play on and not mind when ‘realities’ clash. xx
I love the comparison of the birch, an earthly delight, with stars, the delights of heaven. What a unique way to view the rustling leaves. But then you always see things in unique ways–that’s why you’re such an awesome haiku writer, Rachael. 😉
I guess one of roles of the writer is to express their version of reality in a way that the reader thinks – ha! Never thought of it that way. That’s one of the main reasons your stories and poetry grab your readers.
There’s a stand of birch trees (ok, poetic licence, not silver birch) down the road – and they do rustle and twinkle when the moon’s out!
And regarding the above comment, technically, galaxies are made up of more than just stars, so a galaxy consisting of only stars would be a dazzling sight indeed! Thus, I think your description works here. I found no issue with it.
By the constraints of the phrase “shimmers like a galaxy of stars” under consideration are *visible* constituents of a galaxy, which are limited to stars alone. The other constituents which you may have found on Wiki are *not* visible, except for planets, which would appear as stars, in any case. I stand by my statement.
Dude, if it makes you feel that important to think you’re right, well, you go right ahead.
galaxy is there
what breeze makes it shimmer though?
so much is unseen
Thank you, Jeff. What a daunting cv you have to this novice poet…
those glittering lights
but pale ghosts from the ether –
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