milky way

June 28, 2014 § 17 Comments

7k181f

silver birch shimmers

like a galaxy of stars –

a ruffling breeze

~

Image courtesy Takeuchi Seiho

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§ 17 Responses to milky way

  • F.G.M. says:

    …makes its sidereal leaves
    play the sweet melody
    of musical trees
    …………………………………………………..
    Thank you so much Rachael for you so often soothing and always inspiring/inspired poetry ๐Ÿ™‚ Have a nice weekend!
    F.

    • Rachael Charmley says:

      Thank you Frederic. Nothing will come right with the haiku just now – life is seeping into that space from where they are born – so this was written in a moment. A good test perhaps? ๐Ÿ™‚ Have a peaceful and productive weekend, my friend.

      • F.G.M. says:

        oh yes, for sure Rachael, my lines were just written “comme รงa”, nothing more than a (poetical) comment ๐Ÿ™‚

  • mikesteeden says:

    Another blinder! Superb.

  • pi314chron says:

    Exquisite! (Now…to be nitpicky! — “galaxy of stars” is a redundancy since ALL galaxies are made up of stars. I’m sorry. The devil made me do it! ) ๐Ÿ˜›

    • Rachael Charmley says:

      I don’t mind, in fact I expect you to bring me up short from time to time, dear friend! Don’t stop – except when I tell you to, of course ๐Ÿ™‚

      Lee Gurga’s book arrived today. The right book at the right time – so grateful to you for recommending it. Also it was free! When it arrived this morning it looked as if an elephant had sat on it. I mentioned this to Amazon (yes I know I shouldn’t buy anything from them), and they kindly refunded. As the cover says: an important book. Thank you, Ron. x

      • pi314chron says:

        You are most welcome, Rachael! Please accept my apology for unwittingly stirring up a “galactic” hornet’s nest. I must remember that the defenders of the faith are ever faithful, ever vigilant! ๐Ÿ˜›

  • SirenaTales says:

    Oh, this poem took my breath away, Rachael! Such gorgeous, sensuous imagery, and luscious “mouthfeel” of that whole first line and “ruffling breeze.” Exquisite. Thank you. xoxo p.s. I should keep myself to myself, but apropos of the comment above about “galaxy of stars,” I have two unsolicited words: poetic license…..now I will skulk off to my corner, hoping I haven’t offended!

    • Rachael Charmley says:

      Dear Chloe, I spend a lot of time in the naughty corner in our house, so come on out of your corner, dear friend! Creative writing is, if nothing else, playing with this odd idea called ‘reality’. We must play on and not mind when ‘realities’ clash. xx

  • Miranda Stone says:

    I love the comparison of the birch, an earthly delight, with stars, the delights of heaven. What a unique way to view the rustling leaves. But then you always see things in unique ways–that’s why you’re such an awesome haiku writer, Rachael. ๐Ÿ˜‰

    • Rachael Charmley says:

      I guess one of roles of the writer is to express their version of reality in a way that the reader thinks – ha! Never thought of it that way. That’s one of the main reasons your stories and poetry grab your readers.

      There’s a stand of birch trees (ok, poetic licence, not silver birch) down the road – and they do rustle and twinkle when the moon’s out!

  • Miranda Stone says:

    And regarding the above comment, technically, galaxies are made up of more than just stars, so a galaxy consisting of only stars would be a dazzling sight indeed! Thus, I think your description works here. I found no issue with it.

    • pi314chron says:

      By the constraints of the phrase “shimmers like a galaxy of stars” under consideration are *visible* constituents of a galaxy, which are limited to stars alone. The other constituents which you may have found on Wiki are *not* visible, except for planets, which would appear as stars, in any case. I stand by my statement.

  • galaxy is there
    what breeze makes it shimmer though?
    so much is unseen

    • Rachael Charmley says:

      Thank you, Jeff. What a daunting cv you have to this novice poet…

      those glittering lights
      but pale ghosts from the ether –
      celestial wind

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