Creative Writing and unfinished business…
October 11, 2014 § 12 Comments
in salt stained air
foam flecks fly from the horse’s mouth –
Photo courtesy Amanda Clark
Tagged: creative writing, foam, haiku, horse, poetry, sea
Reblogged this on kinginascent and commented:
I find that being in the presence of nature has the opposite effect but this is a spare and beautifully realised verse
Thank you for the reblog, and I agree with your comment! But this time round I wanted to try and show it may be possible that the overwhelming power of nature could make one feel powerless – for ‘good’ or ‘bad’.
I’ve been reading Eliot and Neruda of late; perhaps it shows 🙂
What a constrast and incredible complementarity between the first two lines and the three last ones… I too feel sometimes “I am impotent”… Have a nice musical and colorful “week-end d’automne” dear Rachael :-)♥
Thank you. This was difficult to write down, but I hope I portrayed the sense of helplessness in the face of overwhelming power. Have a good weekend (again :-))
I see the last three lines as “intrusive author commentary” to the incomparable first two lines which, in my opinion, stand alone marvelously as a short poem for the ages.
The juxtaposition of “salt stained air” and “foam flecks” are powerful balancing images that are diminished by the sermonizing afterthought of “I am impotent.”
Just my $0.02 worth.
P. S. At 73, I’m a little sensitive to the word “impotent” in some of its connotations!
Aww, bless, Ron. You know I welcome your ‘criticism’ ! I cannot rely on my own judgement as I push the boundaries – so I need you! Keep them coming please 🙂
Such gorgeous language and imagery, Rachael. I confess that your first inspiring and vivid lines with the stunning image made my spirit soar…and feel startled by your “impotent” conclusion. But then I recalled that feeling, too…standing, teeny tiny, before the astounding and majestic sea….Thank you for your beautiful work. xoxo
Thank you, dear Chloe! Pushing boundaries may not always work, but I have to do it anyway… ❤
Hmmm…hope I didn’t convey that this one didn’t work. I believe it worked exactly as yo intended–unexpected. xo
Hmmmm… no you didn’t. And I wouldn’t have minded one bit if you had. I value your opinion ❤
P.s. Just downloaded Keith Jarrett’s Koln Concert onto my iPhone–perfect for all of my long drives:)–thanks again so much!
So glad to share this, Chloe. I’m going to rediscover some of his stuff too. I don’t like it all, but the improvised stuff does it for me!
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