How I Feel
October 7, 2017 § 13 Comments
How I feel when I breathe in that smell of rain-soaked earth.
When I drink too much and my voice comes out too loud.
When I touch my father’s false teeth.
When my mother’s eyes flickered open and stared at me the moment before she died.
When I close the door of my studio and think I’ll never paint again.
The warm lick of my daughter’s dog.
That silence in the middle of a conversation which I always want to fill and wish I didn’t.
When I regret I am in love.
When I get away with a small white lie.
When I have my hair cut and get bored listening to the gossip.
When the doorbell rings, or the phone, and I don’t feel like answering it.
When I don’t look forward to him coming home, because although I love him dearly I want to be by myself.
When I dream of my dead brother and we smile at one another and I know he’s not really gone at all. I just can’t see him.
And when a poem comes and I don’t have a pencil, so I race home holding it tight before I lose it. Sometimes it’s too fast and slippery and it escapes.
How I feel.
Image of ‘Christina’s World’ courtesy the estate of Andrew Wyeth
I absolutely adore this poem, Rachael. Those three words, and the memories which are so important and personal to you, stir up all that is important to me (and any other reader I suspect. Excellent to close with the same phrase. Wonderful.
Thanks, Chris. It just came out after reading Beckett (of all people!) It’s a freeing up which I hope to continue with. Have a good weekend.
This is heart wrenching and brilliant. Really magnificent Rachael..
Hey, thanks John. You know that delicious feeling when a piece just writes itself… 🙂
Yes a lovely thing…
And I forgot to say how much I’m enjoying your writing. You feel like you’re right in the zone 🙂
Thank you, I feel in a creative place at the moment. Trying to put no pressure on myself and just seeing what comes 🙂
Love it, Rachael, for all the reasons Chris said. Simply outstanding!
Thanks, Neo! It feels good to write in this way…:-)
I’m glad it does. And it does me good to read it. 🙂
Beautiful Rachael, it vibrates with feeling and all those memories, layered on top of one another.
Pleased you like this, Andrea 🙂